双语:5种方法让孩子成为善良的人

【来源：易教网 更新时间：2014-08-08】

　　“孩子不是一出生就简简单单有善恶之分，我们不应该放弃对他们的教育。他们需要大人在他们童年的每个阶段帮助他们成为关心他人，恭敬有礼，有集体责任感的人。”

　　“Children are not born simply good or bad and we should never give up on them. They need adults who will help them become caring, respectful, and responsible for their communities at every stage of their childhood。”

　　1.把关心他人放在首位

　　1. Make caring for others a priority

　　原因：家长[微博]把孩子的成绩和幸福感放在第一位，其次才是孩子对他人的关心。但是孩子需要平衡自己的需要与其他人的需求，例如朋友受欺负，是装作视而不见呢，还是为朋友挺身而出。

　　Why? Parents tend to prioritize their children’s happiness and achievements over their children’s concern for others. But children need to learn to balance their needs with the needs of others, whether it’s passing the ball to a teammate or deciding to stand up for friend who is being bullied。

　　方法：孩子需要从父母那里接收到把关心他人放在第一位这样的信息。其中重要的是让孩子持有高的道德期望，例如践行诺言，即使这让他们感到不开心。再比如，在孩子想退出体育组，乐队，或放弃一段友情时，我们应该让他们思考一下自己在这个团队或友情中承担什么样的责任，并鼓励他们在最后放弃之前解决其中出现的问题。

　　How? Children need to hear from parents that caring for others is a top priority. A big part of that is holding children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring their commitments, even if it makes them unhappy. For example, before kids quit a sports team, band, or a friendship, we should ask them to consider their obligations to the group or the friend and encourage them to work out problems before quitting。

　　试试以下方法：

　　Try this：

　　告诉孩子“最重要的是你是一个善良的人”，而不是告诉他们“你的开心是最重要的”。

　　Instead of saying to your kids: “The most important thing is that you’re happy,” say “The most important thing is that you’re kind。”

　　确保年龄较大一点的孩子即使在劳累，分心或生气的时候，也要谦和待人。

　　Make sure that your older children always address others respectfully, even when they’re tired, distracted, or angry。

　　在你与孩子成长过程中发挥重要作用的成年人交流时，强调关心他人。例如，询问老师孩子在班集体中是不是一个优秀的成员。

　　 Emphasize caring when you interact with other key adults in your children’s lives. For example, ask teachers whether your children are good community members at school。

　　2.给孩子关心和感谢他人的机会。

　　2. Provide opportunities for children to practice caring and gratitude。

　　原因：成为一个好人永远为时不晚，但这是自己单独无法做到的。孩子们需要对关心和为他们生活做出贡献的人表示自己的关心和感激。研究显示那些善于表达感激之情的人更加乐于助人，慷慨大方，富有同情心且大度宽容——同时他们也更容易开心健康。

　　Why? It’s never too late to become a good person, but it won’t happen on its own. Children need to practice caring for others and expressing gratitude for those who care for them and contribute to others’ lives. Studies show that people who are in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy。

　　方法：学会关心他人就像学习一项运动或者乐器一样。每天都要重复——不管是帮助朋友学习也好，帮助周围的人也好，或者是担任班干部——都可以关心他人逐步培养成一种习惯，发展并锻炼青少年的照顾能力。学会感激同样包括定期的练习。

　　How? Learning to be caring is like learning to play a sport or an instrument. Daily repetition—whether it’s a helping a friend with homework, pitching in around the house, or having a classroom job—make caring second nature and develop and hone youth’s caregiving capacities. Learning gratitude similarly involves regularly practicing it。

　　试试以下方法：

　　Try this：

　　在你的孩子每一次帮忙，例如清理餐桌后，不要去奖赏他。我们应该期望他去帮助周围的兄弟姐妹和邻居们，孩子在做这些并不常做的助人行为之后，再奖励他。

　　Don’t reward your child for every act of helpfulness, such as clearing the dinner table. We should expect our kids to help around the house, with siblings, and with neighbors and only reward uncommon acts of kindness。

　　和你的孩子谈论一些他们在电视上看到的帮助别人或漠视别人的行为，或者是他们在新闻中听到或看到的公正和不公正的行为。

　　 Talk to your child about caring and uncaring acts they see on television and about acts of justice and injustice they might witness or hear about in the news。

　　将感谢他人作为一种日常的礼仪，在晚饭时，睡觉前，汽车内或地铁上都可以对帮助他人的人表示或多或少的感谢。

　　 Make gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in the car, or on the subway. Express thanks for those who contribute to us and others in large and small ways。

　　3.扩大孩子关心的范围。

　　3. Expand your child’s circle of concern。

　　原因：几乎所有的孩子关心的都只是家人和朋友这个很小的圈子。我们所面临的挑战是帮助孩子学会关心这个圈子以外的人，例如班里的新同学，和他们语言不同的人，学校管理员或者是外国来的友人。

　　Why? Almost all children care about a small circle of their families and friends. Our challenge is help our children learn to care about someone outside that circle, such as the new kid in class, someone who doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country。

　　方法：孩子需要通过仔细倾听并加入身边随机的一个圈子来扩大交往圈，也要学会通过抓住要点，思考一下他每天打交道的人们的各个特点，包括谁比较脆弱来缩小自己的关心范围。他们也需要考虑类似退出体育小组或乐队这样的行为是否会影响或伤害到团队里的其他成员。尤其是在这个越来越全球化的世界里，孩子们需要学会关心除自己外各个团体和不同文化的人们。

　　How? Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering the many perspectives of the people they interact with daily, including those who are vulnerable. They also need to consider how their decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can ripple out and harm various members of their communities. Especially in our more global world, children need to develop concern for people who live in very different cultures and communities than their own。

　　尝试以下方法：

　　Try this：

　　确保你的孩子在日常生活中对人友善，充满感激，例如汽车司机或服务生。

　　Make sure your children are friendly and grateful with all the people in their daily lives, such as a bus driver or a waitress。

　　鼓励孩子去关心易受伤害的人们。给孩子一些简单的点子让他们步入“关心和鼓励的领域”，例如安抚被嘲笑的同学。

　　Encourage children to care for those who are vulnerable. Give children some simple ideas for stepping into the “caring and courage zone,” like comforting a classmate who was teased。

　　以报纸或电视上的一则故事为例，鼓励孩子思考其他国家的孩子们正面临的艰苦环境。

　　Use a newspaper or TV story to encourage your child to think about hardships faced by children in another country。

　　4.做一个强大的道德模范和引导者。

　　4. Be a strong moral role model and mentor。

　　原因：孩子的道德价值观通常来自他们所尊敬的大人的行为，和思考大人们所面临的道德窘境。例如，“我最好的朋友不喜欢我的新邻居，我该不该邀请我的邻居来我的生日宴会呢？”

　　Why? Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of adults they respect. They also learn values by thinking through ethical dilemmas with adults, e.g. “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?”

　　方法：做一个道德模范和指导者就意味着我们需要将我们的正直，公正付诸实践，关心我们自己。但这并不意味着每次的处理方法都是完美的。因为我们是孩子尊敬和信任的人，因此我们有必要承认自己的错误和不足。我们也应该尊重孩子的想法，听听他们的观点，向他们表示我们想让他们如何对待他人。

　　How? Being a moral role model and mentor means that we need to practice honesty, fairness, and caring ourselves. But it doesn’t mean being perfect all the time. For our children to respect and trust us, we need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to respect children’s thinking and listen to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we want them to engage others。

　　试试以下方法：

　　Try this:

　　▪可以通过做社区服务这样的方式一个月至少一次给孩子做好关心他人的榜样。和孩子一起做会更好。

　　• Model caring for others by doing community service at least once a month. Even better, do this service with your child。

　　▪告诉孩子自己所面临的一个道德问题，或者询问孩子他们所面临的。

　　• Give your child an ethical dilemma at dinner or ask your child about dilemmas they’ve faced。

　　5.引导孩子管理自己的消极情绪

　　5. Guide children in managing destructive feelings

　　原因：很多情况下，关心他人的能力会被愤怒，羞愧，嫉妒或其他消极情绪所破坏。

　　Why? Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings。

　　方法：我们应该告诉孩子有情绪是可以的，但是一些处理方法并没有帮助。孩子们需要在我们的帮助下，用有效的方式处理这些情绪。

　　How? We need to teach children that all feelings are okay, but some ways of dealing with them are not helpful. Children need our help learning to cope with these feelings in productive ways。

　　可以尝试的方法：

　　Try this

　　有一些简单的方法可以让你的孩子安静下来：要求他们停止发脾气，用鼻子深深地吸一口气，再用嘴呼出，数到5，直到孩子安静下来，再去帮助别人。如果你看到她失落时，提醒她做以上步骤，并和她一起做，一会她就可以开始自己做了。这样可以帮助她合理有效的表达自己的情感。

　　Here’s a simple way to teach your kids to calm down: ask your child to stop, take a deep breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five. Practice when your child is calm. Then, when you see her getting upset, remind her about the steps and do them with her. After a while she’ll start to do it on her own so that she can express her feelings in a helpful and appropriate way。